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end of the year neurosis blues*

I'm squeezing in a post just before midnight, because I feel like I ought to have something to close out the year and I haven't written in over two weeks. However, I'm not really in much of a mood to write.

I bought new boots yesterday while I was still in Nashua, as my old Docs were no longer able to resist water even after a fresh coat of balsam wax. I didn't notice in the store that my heels were a little loose in them, so as I walked around for the rest of the day I quickly developed and broke blisters on my heels and now have painful abrasions on them, which has helped to make me grumpy. I couldn't switch back to my old boots either, because I had the shoe store dispose of them rather than carry or ship one of the pairs home. Now in addition to my heels hurting, my calves also hurt from the strain of the awkward limping walk I've been doing. At least the unrelated (and unexplained) painful ache in my right elbow that I developed yesterday seems to have faded away.

I haven't written in over two weeks partly because I've been busy, with a 12-day trip to NYC and NH for the holidays, and partly because I've been continuing to avoid dealing with a lot of important things, mainly my very very urgent need to find more clients and more work. When I'm hiding from important things, I also tend to avoid less important things on the ground that I'm supposed to be doing the important things, with the result that all I do is waste time poking about the Internet. So I had intentions to make a post before I left on vacation, but never made myself write one; then when I realized the day I was leaving that my trip would be 12 days, I thought of doing a "12 days of Christmas" series of posts, but was too busy in the first few days to do so and gave up the idea. 

Now that I'm back, I have the 2008 concert review post to write; I'll probably go hang out at Bauhaus on Friday night (as is now common) and do that. I also have my 2008 goals to review, which I'm not looking forward to as the brief summary is that I did almost none of them. I have some other personal things I'd really like to write about, but questions of discretion are holding me back, which makes me unhappy as I don't like feeling that I need to hide parts of my life. Some of it I could just put behind a friends-only filter, some of it probably just needs to stay private. 

I'm still tired from my return trip and from somewhat adjusting to East Coast time, and surly for that and other reasons, so it's time I went off to bed. I should just add that I did get quite a few happy birthday wishes on Facebook, here on LiveJournal, and in email, and had a nice brunch with my friend Dawn and was treated to dinner by the Dowlers, so today wasn't all bad by any means. It's just the tiredness and the looming return to dealing with my largely self-created problems. Maybe I'll feel better with some rest.

*I know my sister Andrea will get the reference, I wonder if anyone else knows the album title I'm playing off of.

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The List: June 2011

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