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dates and discretion

A week ago Wednesday, I attended my second HurryDate event, this one intended for 25-35 year olds of both genders. This time there were 14 men, including one guy who just walked in on a whim, and 10 women, so apparently once again three women were unable or decided not to come. I'll be getting yet another free pass code as a result. One of the women was one of my mutual matches from the previous event. It turned out that I never saw her reply because of problems with the site and my possibly-mistaken expectation that the HurryDate site would email notification of messages. In any case, she was happy to reconnect, and we exchanged regular email addresses. Hopefully we'll meet for a date soon. She was also my only mutual match for this event.

Meanwhile, the conversations with the Salon women I mentioned in my last post on the topic have gone well. I had a date last Saturday evening with one of them, meeting for coffee and a few hours of conversation. I think it went well, but she's really busy right now and I'm not sure if we'll have a second date any time soon (if at all). The other woman and I have been working on arranging a date, and I think that will happen next week.

Now that I've actually started having dates, I'm faced with the issue of discretion. How much is too much to write on my journal? So far I've been careful to avoid any kind of identifiers beyond how I'm contacting or meeting these women. But my journal is easily findable through Google; am I courting trouble by even acknowledging here that I had a date with someone but am trying to arrange dates with two other women? or by mentioning which services I'm using, in connection with who I've met and who I haven't? I don't want to go completely silent on the topic, but I wonder whether saying anything at all is saying too much. parkbenchzine has already expressed the opinion that even what I've said here will be too much, that hypothetically one of these women (or some future one) could find a post like this and decide to stop bothering with me. That seems extreme and unlikely to me, but still, it's not unreasonable to think I could be confronted with, "so, tell me about this other woman you're dating," which would certainly be awkward (at best). Any thoughts on this?


( 7 have written — Write )
Jul. 28th, 2007 11:56 am (UTC)
I still say...
this isn't the sort of thing you want out there. You simply can't take any chances. Unless you're comfortable with the idea that everyone, has access to what you write, I'd keep things 'shallow'. There is a good chance that no one will see / read any of it. But what if the months from now, you've decided to pursue one of the ladies above the others. Shes of like mind, until she reads a little something about the multiple womens you've met and had dates with. When you were in the early dating stages, she wasn't 'dating' many guys. She decided earlier than you that she thought you we best of all the guys she met at the services. Shes hurt, and now, well welcome to square one.

I think this sort of forum is not for personal things such as this. Stuff you don't want getting back to anyone involved. Sure, talking about this stuff with friends is great. Advice, and such, well thats the place to go.

Id also add, that maybe if dating came easier to you, it might be ok to post some stuff. Its been a long time coming, and it took considerable boosts to self to get to this point. You don't want to take any chance at fucking it up, do you?
Aug. 7th, 2007 07:15 pm (UTC)
Re: I still say...
"parkbenchzine" (that mysterious un-named fellow) is Internet paranoid.

If a woman likes you but is so insecure that reading about some of your dates bothers her enough to stop seeing you... I submit that she is not the woman for you.

You're bring open and honest and still discreet. I can't imagine any reasonable person objecting to anything you've posted here so far. And protecting unreasonable people from themselves is a waste of time, in my opinion.
Aug. 7th, 2007 07:24 pm (UTC)
Re: I still say...
I'm done discussing this. after the marathon IM session last week. Its not worth hurting a nice girl, that is a bit insecure. I'm not saying 6 months from now, I'm saying next week. by 6 months in, you should be more comfortable. 4 prospects that become 2, even possibly because they read something they were not comfortable with is 2 less girls that might be the one.

Do what you want...

I'll be over here behind this bush, waiting to say I told you so.
Aug. 7th, 2007 07:34 pm (UTC)
Re: I still say...
Hang on, I'm still sharpening my stick. I'll be with you in a sec.
Aug. 7th, 2007 08:39 pm (UTC)
Re: I still say...
2 less girls that might be the one

But you don't believe in "the one." And it stands to reason, if someone thinks what I've written so far is too much and she decides to cut me off, then she couldn't be "the one" in the first place.

Its not worth hurting a nice girl, that is a bit insecure.

Come on, what have I written so far that could possibly hurt a reasonable person? And if I had a date which did not go well, the most I might say would be "I had a date, it didn't go so well, I'm moving on."

Finally, in your first comment above, you don't actually say "six months," true, but you do imply at least a couple months have passed - not "this week I had dates with three women, and next week two of them stop taking calls because they saw my journal."
Jul. 28th, 2007 07:28 pm (UTC)
It's your journal, and as you say, it's open to the public. Perhaps it's time to make some entries "Friends only" or even totally private. I'd recommend going back and making the journal entries you already have "Friends only." That is my advice. That is all.

Aug. 19th, 2007 06:59 am (UTC)
Yeah, I was going to recommend some extra security for these posts...
( 7 have written — Write )

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