This week I'm in New Hampshire at my parents' home for Thanksgiving. I haven't spent Thanksgiving with them since 2000: in 2001 I went down to Brooklyn to have Thanksgiving at my younger sister's place, and since then I've been in Seattle and spent it with my very good friends Tony and Pam. The reason I'm home is because my high school 20th reunion is tomorrow, the day after Thanksgiving. I've been looking forward to it for months, it should be a good time. Of course with Facebook I've already reconnected with a bunch of old friends, but still it's not the same as seeing them in person, and one funny thing about Facebook is that because it's so easy to add friends and see their updates, often actual communication through messages falls by the wayside. 

There are several topics in there that I could address at length. However, I'm pretty wiped out. Despite my best intentions and (mediocre) efforts, my sleep schedule has drifted back again to 3 AM to 11 AM. My flight east was an overnight, leaving at 11:30 PM Monday, and I thought that I would doze on the plane as usual but in fact I got no sleep at all. I napped for a few hours Monday afternoon and then was still so tired that I was in bed by 12:30 AM (local) and slept to the morning, so I thought that meant I would adjust easily to the East Coast schedule. Instead, I went to bed again at 12:30 AM last night, and lay there for six hours, finally falling asleep some time after 6 AM only to have to get up at 9:30 AM to start on Thanksgiving. So now I'm really tired, and on top of that I've apparently picked up a minor nasal infection so I'm a little congested. 

I'm about to head off to bed, hopefully I'll get a good long night's sleep and be feeling better for the reunion. Also I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving. Among other things, I'm thankful for all of you, my friends and readers.

The ups and downs of my dad's health have hit a new low: the antibiotic treatment he was on for his knee apparently reduced other, good bacteria in his digestive system, resulting in him developing colitis - infection of the colon by the C-diff bacteria that live there. Last week the doctors determined that his knee infection was cleared up, and took him off the antibiotics; however, the C-diff bacteria weren't under control, as it turned out on Saturday when he fell violently ill and had to go to the hospital. Although the doctors put him on new medications, they determined that the best way to end the problem would be to remove the colon, which they did in surgery last night. The word from my mom this evening is that he's recovering well, even laughing when he mistakenly said "Hi Phil" to my younger brother as he often does even in normal circumstances. 

Hopefully once he's recovered from this operation, he'll be able to get back to a somewhat normal life and be free of further infections and complications for a while. It's difficult because, after so many years taking anti-rejection medication for his heart, his body is very weak against any kind of infection. On his fifteenth rebirthday - the anniversary of his transplant - this year, I expressed the hope that he'll see another fifteen years, which aside from his heart issue would be reasonable for someone from his long-lived family. Now, his 69th birthday is coming up at the end of September, and although I expect he'll see that, I worry about how he'll be by the time his 70th comes around next year. Still, the semicolon is a pause, not a full stop, and I can hope my Dad's got a lot left to say after this pause.

I did not use the available time last night to make a post in my journal, so now I have to squeeze out a quick note while I eat dinner before I head out to a party at a friend's house.

Dad had another short hospital stay a few weeks ago, while they determined that the pain he'd been having in his knee was caused by an infection in the bone. He's now on an antibiotics treatment as an outpatient, and hopefully it'll all be cleared up in a few weeks.

I had another several-day bout of bodyaches and whatnot that led to me visiting the doctor yet again, and yet again determining that it was stress and anxiety. We did an EKG just in case and the doctor said it was the best EKG result he'd ever seen. So I really have to learn to chill out. This time I agreed to try out a prescription for a "rescue" medicine (lorazepam, if you know about these things) to take when I'm undergoing the aches and anxiety in order to help me calm down. We'll see if that helps. I tried one that night before going to bed, as the symptoms hadn't fully gone away yet, and I did feel more relaxed and the aches were gone the next day.

Meanwhile, this afternoon Nimiel started her repetitive litterbox visit behavior that she's suffered from before. Her box was due to be cleaned this weekend so I made sure to do that, and I'm hoping that maybe she'll chill out too and not need a vet visit and medication.

In more positive stuff, work's been good so far this summer. I finally am for real clearing out my credit card debt, it'll be paid off next month. I'm hoping maybe I'll be able to do the next step of the dental work in the fall, maybe November. Also next month, my sister Andrea and her girlfriend Jen are coming to visit, and in September my brother Jeremy's coming for his first visit.

Finally, in concert news I've decided to go to Bumbershoot this year. Saturday, Beehive and Mono In VCF are playing; Sunday, Sons and Daughters are back; and Monday, Battles are back. Those are all good enough reasons to attend. Kinski is also playing at Bumbershoot Saturday night, but Freezepop are going to be in town for PAX on Friday and will be playing a club show on Saturday, so I'll go see them instead.

And I'm done dinner and it's time to head out to the party.

p.s. I tried out swing dancing last week with my friend Dawn. Getting the timing right for the super-basic step is surprisingly tricky. I intend to sign up for a short class that Dawn's also taking, starting next week, although I think I have a conflict that will make me miss at least one class.

Let's see, I have a bunch of general updates.

My dad's doing well, he's in a rehab center working with occupational and physical therapists to build up his strength. He's able to stand up and go for walks on his own now, and he's hoping he'll be able to go home next Monday. He said he's eager to get back home and start cooking again.

My nose has remained persistently congested since last week, with some sneezing bouts, but I haven't had a bad day of near-incapacitation since last Thursday. Tony did show up with Claritin later that evening, and that seemed to help for a couple hours but then the non-stop sneezing and nose-running resumed, so I just went to bed. But to my surprise, my nose behaved manageably well throughout the night. I don't see why lying down would make a difference, but in any case I've been better since then, although I'm still waiting for the rest of the congestion to clear up.

Nimiel's also been doing well, the medicine alleviated her symptoms pretty quickly. Unfortunately, after a few days she decided that she really doesn't like the medicine after all, so she's been fussing and making more effort to avoid the medicine and get away. Hopefully she won't start putting up a serious fight, we've still got at least another 9 days to go.

I finally settled on going to see X at The Showbox on Monday for my March show. I had decided to go direct to the Showbox's box office to get tickets for the Ladytron show coming up on May 24, because paying $8.75 extra per ticket as Ticketmaster's "convenience fee" is not as convenient as simply going downtown to the box office and paying only $2 extra for advance tickets. So when I finally got around to doing that last Monday, I checked and tickets were still available for X, so I got one. I'm not quite sure what to expect from the opening acts (or the audience), but it should be an interesting show.

I've also got my eye on a few concerts in April. There are three shows at Neumos I'm considering: Meat Beat Manifesto on Wednesday April 9, Simian Mobile Disco on Thursday April 24, and Sons and Daughters on Tuesday April 29. Of those I'm most likely to catch Sons and Daughters, but I did like Meat Beat Manifesto last time I saw them, and I've also been digging Simian Mobile Disco's current album Attack Decay Sustain Release, so if the shows don't sell out in advance I'll probably try going to each. However, there is another show in April that I will definitely attend: the live broadcast of KEXP's Audioasis local-music show at the High Dive on Saturday April 5. This show is part of their monthly series benefitting local charities, and this one benefits the Seattle Public Library Foundation. It's not so much the particular charity that's drawing me out as it is one of the bands on the lineup, Mono In VCF. I'm very interested to see how they sound in a small club, and whether they can recreate the ambience that fit so well at the Triple Door.

Finally, speaking of KEXP, I was very pleased on Tuesday to discover that the photo I took of "the last pledge" at KEXP's recent pledge drive was used (with credit to me) for an article on the Seattlest blog about KEXP's Radio Liberation NYC broadcasting project.

Yesterday I happened to learn that The Fading Collection are playing a show tonight at Nectar, so I thought great, I'll go see that for my March show. But I've had a sneezy, runny nose the past several days, apparently some kind of springtime allergy, and today it's just rendered me all but helpless. It's so stupid, it's just a runny nose, but it won't stop running and tickling and sneezing and dripping all over my shirt and making my eyes water and feel itchy and grarrh rarrrh arrrgh make it stop!

And Dawn just called to see if I wanted to play a board game, which I'd love to, but I just don't feel competent to do much of anything - I certainly don't want to spend time with her (or anyone) when I'll just be constantly blowing or mopping my nose. I don't even feel competent to drive to the store to get some allergy medicine - I can't drive when I can't go more than a minute without dealing with my nose.

It's not so bad or serious of course, like my dad who's now in rehab to build up strength so he can get out of a chair or bed on his own again, or someone living without her thyroid as a completely non-random example, but it is maddening. Apparently it's also hard work, as I'm feeling really hungry even though it hasn't been exceptionally long since I ate lunch.

I called Tony earlier to see if he could bring me some allergy medicine, hopefully he'll be able to do that - and also get tissues, before this box runs out.

Meanwhile, Nimiel's had a reoccurrence of whatever was bothering her last spring, making her go to her litterbox repeatedly. I noticed the signs of this (unusual amount of litter scattered on the floor) last Friday evening, and sure enough on Saturday observed the repetitious behavior. So I brought her to the vet Monday and they gave her the same medication as last time; once she's done with the medicine in a couple weeks, they'll test her for signs of a urinary tract infection. Hopefully this time we'll avoid the other incidents of her throwing up and whatnot.

I note that, curiously, her first bout with this problem happened to coincide with my anxiety problems last year, and this reoccurrence has happened very soon after my recent bout of anxiety. I see no reason to think there's an actual connection, but it is peculiar.

Okay, I must make some soup for dinner. And you must admire this recent photo of Nimiel:

I have updates on the health issues I discussed in the previous post. My dad was out of the hospital Tuesday last week (later in the day that I made that post), and had a meeting on Thursday with a specialist of some sort to help figure out what the problem is. This past Monday, he became too weak to stand from a sitting position, so they brought him down to the hospital in Boston. However, they have finally made progress: they've learned that there's a past history of some patients having this reaction to a particular medication he's been taking - it's rare, but it is documented. Apparently they've also definitively ruled out infection, cancer, and other causes. So now they're going to transition him off that medication, and then he'll be in some kind of (physical) rehab program for a bit. This all sounds good, hopefully he'll be back to normal - as normal as things are, being an almost-15-year heart transplant survivor - soon.

My anxiety symptoms eventually went away - I think it was Wednesday that for most of the day I just had the tension and tingliness in my head, but definitely by Thursday I seemed to be mostly back to normal. However, I did make an appointment for a general physical, and had that done Friday morning. I checked out generally okay, in particular my blood pressure rating was good and my cholesterol was great. I had a tetanus booster, which left me feeling tired and headachy through Sunday. I discussed the apparent anxiety problem with the doctor, explaining that's what prompted me to make the appointment (although I'd been meaning to have a physical for months), and he discussed options of medication and therapy. As these events seem to be just once a year or less, I felt I'd rather hold off on getting into medication or therapy for now, but if I still seem to be having problems over the next month or so then I'm supposed to get back in touch with the doctor. I'm also supposed to get back to the doctor in a month for another problem - my throat feels like it never really recovered from the cold I had back at the end of October, it's just felt slightly scratchy and irritated since then. He took a swab to check for strep, although that was rather unlikely; if it's still bothering me, he said he'd check for other infections, but it's more likely to be an acid reflux problem, which is definitely something I occasionally suffer from. In all, though, I seem to be basically healthy, and I probably just need to get some regular exercise in.

---

In other matters, today is the sixth anniversary of my arrival in Seattle. Like last year, I did not do anything special today to mark the occasion, but I do still like to take note of it in the journal (as you can tell). Recently I was asked, in the context of life in general, "are you happy where you are?" I'm not fully satisfied with the state of my life yet, but taking the "where" part of the question literally, yes, I am happy where I am, here in Seattle, and rather pleased that I've been able to say that each year for the past six. I'm looking forward to saying it again next year, and the next, and the next...

"Look," said Arthur, "I'm a bit upset about that."
Ford frowned to himself and seemed to roll the thought around his mind.
"Yes, I can understand that," he said at last.
"Understand that!" shouted Arthur. "Understand that!"
Ford sprang up.
"Keep looking at the book!" he hissed urgently.
"What?"
"Don't Panic."
"I'm not panicking!"
"Yes, you are."
"All right, so I'm panicking, what else is there to do?"
"You just come along with me and have a good time. The Galaxy's a fun place. You'll need to have this fish in your ear."
-- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams

My dad, whose health problems I've written about before, hasn't been doing so well lately. It seems the years of taking anti-rejection drugs have taken their toll, and he now has a hard time dealing with wounds and infections. For months now he's been dealing with a problem with swelling in his legs that the doctors still haven't managed to clear up. Several times in the past few months he's had to stay in the hospital for 3-4 days to deal with infections or other problems, most recently just this past weekend. Overall he hasn't been feeling any worse, except for some bouts of pain when the leg swelling's gotten bad, but he's definitely sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I've been experiencing some mysterious problems of my own over this weekend: occasional mild headaches, tension at the back of my head or slight pressure all around, flushed and tingly feeling in my head, just hints of tingling on the frontside of my ankles and a bit at the knees, and occasional cramps/pains in my abdomen. I've written about having these sorts of problems before; the most recent bout was the end of last April and the beginning of May. As I mention in those entries, the problem seems to be sublimated stress; in fact, I believe that I'm subject to panic attacks, although I've never been formally diagnosed with a panic disorder. Certainly my symptoms match well to panic attacks, and they do seem to occur in connection with stressful times. The problems of course are that I don't necessarily realize that I'm stressed about something, like my dad being very ill, and that the onset of symptoms feel like some more serious problem, so I get more panicky.

Sunday afternoon I realized duh, I'm just anxious!, and that helped some, but then this evening the problems continued, so again I started feeling freaked out. Panic attacks aren't purely psychological, there are physiological reactions, so even when I realized again tonight that no, really, it's most likely just a panic attack, and laughed at myself, that didn't make all the symptoms go away. I feel extra-stupid about the whole thing since of course it's my dad who has the serious problems, but I can't forget the small worry that maybe I really do have some serious problem and oh no what if I don't see the doctor about it?!?

One thing I really should do is get a general physical check-up, because regardless of panic attacks it's been a couple years at least since my last physical. Maybe that'll help me deal with the stress. Also I'm hoping to return to tai chi in a couple weeks when the next session starts, and I think I really need to start taking regular walks up the Queen Anne stair climb. For now, I have to get to bed and hope I can fall asleep.

I had settled on attending a Beehive show for this month. They were scheduled to play at The Crocodile Cafe tonight, along with Elder Mason headlining and Bridges opening. I had listened to bits of songs by both Elder Mason and Bridges on their MySpaces, just enough to establish that they sounded interesting and make me curious to see them live. And of course, Beehive's always good.

On Sunday, The Crocodile Cafe permanently closed. Although there'd been recent news suggesting it'd been having some trouble, this sudden closure was still unexpected by everyone including the Croc's own staff. Despite the abrupt closure, some of the scheduled shows were able to find new venues quickly, including this one, which moved to El Corazón, still for tonight.

However, I am not at the show right now, because I came down with a cold this week. The cold teased me, starting as just a slightly sore throat on Monday evening, just a hint of congestion and unusual tiredness through Tuesday, before finally turning to full-on stuffy nose and general malaise today. Stupid cold. The only bright side is that if I'm feeling lousy now, I ought to be better by Sunday when I fly East to my parents' for Christmas. Hopefully I might even be healthy for my birthday/New Year's Eve this year; it seems like I've been sick for that occasion every year since moving to Seattle.

In any case, with my plans for tonight ruined, I don't expect to make it to another show this month. Beehive are playing on New Year's Eve at the Skylark Cafe, and I'm sure that's going to be a blast; however, I've been invited to a New Year's Eve party by some friends, so I won't be at that show either. Oh well, I'll have to start looking forward to January and see who's playing.

I came down with some kind of cold on Wednesday evening - an unusual one as it began as a sore throat and throat congestion before moving up into my nose. I felt better on Saturday, the congestion seemed to have abated without ever getting serious, so I was able to get out to see New Young Pony Club. I got some really good photos of both them and the first band, Jaguar Love, and I'm pretty pleased about that.

What I'm not pleased about is that today, I've been much more congested, with a very stuffy nose and much sneezing, nose-blowing, and coughing. As a result, I decided I'd better pass on going to see Tara Jane ONeil at the Vera Project, which makes me sad. Hopefully I'll be better tomorrow, as I'm volunteering for KEXP's membership drive - at least I'm doing data entry, not answering phones. Plus I have a HurryDate event on Tuesday, I damn well better be better for that!

Poll #1003279 cold medicines
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 5

The only cold medicine you have expired last month! Do you:

When you dispose of medicine, do you:

What's your preferred cold medicine?

Non-LiveJournal readers, feel free to post responses in the comments.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm staggering off to the store to get a Father's Day card, stamps, and cold medicine. And more orange juice too, I think, just in case. I can't decide if it's a good thing or a bad thing that I can walk to the store rather than drive...