Last night I was browsing online personals, and I found someone who looked pretty cute and seemed pretty cool, and I actually went ahead and sent her a message right away rather than putting it off indefinitely as I tend to do. I then found someone else that I'd been communicating with in the fall, who'd never got back to me about a tentative date we planned, and I discovered that she'd updated her profile with a general apology for being too busy and not responding to people's emails. I figured I had nothing to lose by trying to get back in touch, so I dropped her a brief note too. I'm hoping to hear back from at least one of them, we'll see.

So this evening, after hanging out with Tony for the afternoon, I figured I'd come to Bauhaus Books & Coffee (which bizarrely has no website of its own, that's the Citysearch profile) to get some work done. I've been at home a lot lately, and haven't been working too well there. When I'm out somewhere, I'm more inclined to feel I have to get a certain amount of work done before I can head home for dinner or whatever. In the hours I've been here, there've been a large number of startingly attractive women coming in or even just walking by outside. And it's made me feel mopey and surly, first pitying myself for being alone here on a Friday night and then annoyed with myself for being so lame and self-pitying.

Interestingly, it's been a while since I've really felt that way, a while in which I haven't been thinking as much about meeting people and dating. I had decided to drop my HurryDate membership, as I'd been increasingly dissatisfied with their events and felt I'd be better off to take a break from them, and maybe try to find a different speed dating service. So I canceled that in mid-February before it renewed. I also wasn't browsing the online personals much, checking in more to cross-post concert reviews in one of them than to look for matches. I've also been alternately busy or else avoiding dealing with some tasks, and when I get into avoidance mode on one thing I tend to start avoiding lots of things. All of that seems to have taken my mind off fretting over loneliness so much. (Have no doubt, there's still been some fretting.) Apparently, simply trying to reach out to someone is enough to bring it all back in sharp relief.

I wish I found it easier to let go of that and just do something else. I've been thinking about a few gaming-related projects recently, or even just playing a computer game, and there are other ways I could be occupying my time as well. But it's hard to break out of the inertia of moping, or the inertia of avoidance - which involves spending hours aimlessly poking about on the Internet - and do more constructive things. Meh.

---

On a positive note, I managed to avoid tax evasion. I got my taxes done on time, and fortunately I did not have to pay a penalty although I failed to submit any quarterly estimated tax payments last year. I also had enough money on hand to cover what I owed, due in part to a good February for work and in part to relying on my credit cards for purchases over the past few months. That does mean my credit card debt's bumped back up again, which is annoying. However, at the end of January I agreed to a part-time retainer arrangement with one of my clients, so I now have a reliable level of income again but still have freedom and flexibility to work with other clients as well. With the retainer income, I should be able to finally clear up the credit card debt for good, and then get the next step of my dental implant work done. I've also made adjustments to put aside some money each month to cover and pay my estimated taxes this year so I won't be in trouble next year.

So if I could just get off my mopey ass and make some effort to deal with things, I might actually start going places and meet people. There's so much I could do if I'd just do it...

(...man! there are some gorgeous women on Capitol Hill...)

• Professional
1. Leave my current job.
2. Earn a good living as a freelance editor.
3. Add page layout/desktop publishing to my portfolio and career.

The "professional" category was conspicuously absent from my initial goals for 2007 post. My 2006 goal had been to "earn a serious raise at work," but I had another goal, or rather task, that I knew I had to do during 2006: decide whether I really wanted to continue working there at all. I had taken on the office manager role partly because I really needed the raise it brought, and partly because I wanted to help out more at work. I spent most of the year growing unhappy with work but of course not really thinking about it and more importantly not really doing anything about it. But in November I had a meeting with my manager about the new formalized review process and my goals for the next few months, and that woke me up. I realized that I didn't want to have anything to do with that, and finally admitted to myself that they didn't need a full-time editor and I didn't want to stay anymore or do other work for them.

That realization was the foundation for my claim that this is the Year of Change. After all, there are few things I fear and loathe more in the world than searching for employment, but I knew it had to be done and done soon. Furthermore, I decided that I didn't want to just switch to some other company; if I wanted to be a professional editor, I figured I would have to make that happen myself, as a freelance contractor. These were huge changes for me to contemplate; anyone who's known me for a long time might even say the idea that I'd do it was preposterous. Nevertheless, I'd reached a point where that was clearly my best path, and, oddly, I actually felt good about it, not anxious and full of dread.

So, I started talking to Tony about independent contractor work, and started seriously thinking about when and how to take steps. I also did have feelers out about the possibility of moving to a different company rather than going freelance, and I did let that delay me from taking more direct action at first. However, at the beginning of February the question of my long-term professional goals was raised at work, and that made me decide I had to start moving. I had Tony put me in touch with someone he'd been working with, and I planned to tell work at the beginning of March that I would be leaving at the end of that month.

...and on the last day of February, work told me I was being laid off, effective that day.

Although it was a small shock and caught me off guard, it shouldn't have - it was easily just as clear to them that I was unhappy and that they didn't need a full-time editor as it was to me. And although they thought they were surprising me and were concerned how it would go, I turned it around by saying, "actually, you're trumping me...", and it was a very cordial meeting as we all knew it was the right thing and the right time. Work has been very helpful and generous - I'm not quite sure how discrete I need to be, so I'll just say that it worked out better than if I'd stayed through March and quit as I'd intended. So, professional goal number 1 has been completed successfully.

Furthermore, goal number 2 is under way. One reason I haven't written about all this sooner is that I've been adjusting to my new situation, but another is that I've already been pretty busy with freelance work through that connection of Tony's. So things have been going very well so far. I still need to block out time to do more cleanup work on my resume, and I need to make some other contacts for potential work, but things look okay for the immediate future.

One nice side effect of this change is that I've finally purchased a laptop, a 15" MacBook Pro, because I need a good machine to do freelance work, something that I can also run Windows on (using Parallels, which rocks). I've been talking for a few years now about getting a laptop as my primary computer and using one of my desktop Macs as an entertainment server; unexpectedly, that plan's finally happening. (I still haven't got rid of the TV, VCR and DVD players as I intend to, and rearranged my stuff, but I'll get to it.) I also got a cool laptop bag from Timbuk2, and I realized this is the first general-purpose bag (that is to say, not specifically luggage for traveling) that I've bought for myself since college - my other backpacks and bags were given to me.

Although it might seem like the worst possible time to do this, it's actually exactly the right time. As I said, I do need a good laptop for work purposes - I need to be able to go to client sites, for example - and because I was able to start doing freelance work right away, I'm not in a serious financial hole. I do still have a fair amount of that credit card debt that I've periodically complained about, but another effect of leaving work is that I'll have my 401(k) funds to deal with. I have enough there that I can withdraw some to clear up the remaining debt, including covering the new laptop - and yes, I know there's a withdrawal penalty and taxes - and still roll the larger portion over into my IRA. I'm also pretty confident that I'll be able to get steady contract work; provided that goes well, I should have a decent net increase in my net income.

Finally, about that third goal: when I was still living back East, I was a violinist in the Nashua Chamber Orchestra, and I also produced their program books from 1995 to 2002. I really enjoyed doing the layout and production of the books, and I haven't done anything like that since the last one that I did for them in 2002 after moving here. When I talked with John last November, after realizing that I couldn't stay at work much longer, he asked me what it was that I wanted to do, and without hesitation I said "editing and layout." I'd really like to do layout/design/production work again, though I'm not sure how to get into it. Freelance editing is easy, as I have several years now of professional experience to show for that, but all my layout experience is in that one set of program books, done voluntarily; plus I'm entirely self-taught and haven't done any such work in five years. That's why one of my "mental" goals for 2007 is to take a course in graphic design and layout. It probably won't happen until the fall, because I'm busy right now getting the other pieces of my life shuffled around, but I'll have to plan for it and make it happen. In the meantime, if I do find opportunities to jump into that kind of work, I won't pass them up.

So there it is: 2007, the Year of Change. And boy, things are changing. Who knows, maybe I'll even go out on a date after all...

I haven't done an update on the teeth situation since August. Of course, I also hadn't seen the surgeon since then, but I had another checkup yesterday. Everything seems stable, so the next step is to schedule the secondary bone graft, to fill in the right side a bit. This time the operation is much simpler and can be done at the surgeon's office. They're going to do a pre-authorization check with the insurance to determine what will be covered, and I won't schedule it before then. At the soonest it'd happen in January or February, but I may just put it off to mid-summer if that won't cause problems, just to give myself some more time to cope with things financially.

Along those lines, I finally got a statement from the insurance company about the surgery bill, and the news is good, so far I don't owe anything more. There was some irregularity with the claim being filed, apparently the insurance company changed the way the doctor's office was supposed to submit the claim, so half the work is still being reviewed. That means I could end up having to pay something after all, but I'm hopeful that they are going to cover all of the rest. That would certainly make the next step easier; the estimate for this operation is a mere $2,300, of which they think I'd have to pay about $1,000, which is feasible.

After the touch-up graft, I'd probably have to wait another six months, maybe less, before they could implant the posts. If I do put off the next graft until summer, then the last step of the work, actually getting the false teeth, might not happen until 2008, coming on four years since I first saw the surgeon about that. I'm not impatient though; I do feel like things are progressing and the work will be done eventually.

Well, the towel I stuck underneath the sink to absorb the leaking water finally became oversaturated - because I foolishly thought it was air-drying, which of course it wasn't, not enough, and I wasn't wringing it out - so I had to look into the leak. The pedestal turned out to be not too difficult to move, and in fact it is not actually supporting the sink, although I'm nervous about leaning on the sink or letting my cat on it. The leak turned out to be not in the u-bend drain pipe after all; instead, it's the ball-and-socket joint where the lever controlling the drain plug goes in to the drain pipe. I think I should be able to remove it and replace it with a new one, but I'm really unsure about doing that.

In the meantime, I find myself tempted to not fix the leak at all, not from laziness or uncertainty, but from amusement. Whenever the water starts dripping, Nimiel comes running and starts pawing at the falling water. Then she'll stick her head under the pipe to look at the water collecting in the container below, and be startled when more drops fall on her head. It's highly entertaining, but the water's not particularly clean of course since it's the sink drain, and leaving the leak will just lead to more problems soon.

---

Last week, having had the surgeon's okay the week before that, I finally got around to trying my retainers again, and of course neither of them fit right. Yesterday I went to the orthodontist's and had them adjusted. The retainer is making my teeth hurt; it seems as though my teeth all moved in together toward the center of my mouth, because the feeling is of the teeth being pushed back outward. The retainer was trimmed back enough that it's not really pressing on or irritating the area of the surgery, except there's a little pressure on the front teeth. Even with the adjustments, the retainer still doesn't fit quite properly. However, my gums and tissues are still inflamed on the upper left side, and the orthodontist doesn't want to take a casting until the inflammation has gone away, otherwise the new retainer won't fit properly. She had me check in with the surgeon to make sure the inflammation was okay, so I did that this morning, and he said everything looks fine and it's just going to take a while for that swelling to finally clear up.

While I was visiting the surgeon, I also asked about the surgery bill I received, what was going on and what their expectations were about payment. To my relief, they said not to worry about it; with the insurance claim still being processed, they don't expect anything from me until that's resolved. So I've still got some time before I'll find out how much I still owe and work out a plan to pay it, which is okay.

---

I have plans to go to the Woodland Park Zoo with the Saccos and maybe the Dowlers on Sunday. I haven't been before, and neither have the Saccos, even though they've lived here several years longer than I have. Actually, I don't even remember the last time I went to any zoo - I remember that I did not go to the National Zoo in D.C. back when my family took a trip to Virginia in 1978, because I was sick that day, and I was very disappointed that I missed seeing the tigers. I can't remember whether I was on any zoo trips after that. So this should be quite interesting. Hopefully the weather reports are accurate and it'll be a sunny warm day, as it's been cloudy and cool for a while now. We need more summery weather! We don't have all that much time left before summer ends.

Two weeks ago I wrote that I'd received the surgery bill. That wasn't the surgery bill. It was the one-night hospital stay bill. Today I received the surgery bill.

The hospital stay bill - which does have the description "outpt amb surgery", where "outpt" is outpatient, I'm not quite sure what "amb" means but it could be "ambulatory" - showed total charges of $30,347. Yes, that's right, thirty thousand dollars. When I discussed the surgery expenses at the surgeon's office, they gave me an estimate of about $16,000 for the work. So when I got this bill from the hospital, I presumed it was the total cost and was for whatever reason - perhaps having to stay overnight - nearly twice what the estimate was. But no, this turns out to be a wholly separate charge. The actual surgery bill, as in the bill from the surgeon for his services, is $15,208. And while I'm tallying up charges here, the anesthesiologist's bill that I mentioned before totalled $1,872. Thus, the total cost of the surgery - presuming more bills from who-knows-who aren't about to show up - was $47,427. Add another $2,275 onto that for my trip to the ER, and that's $49,702.

Now, my understanding of the insurance plan is that I'm responsible for up to $2,000 per year, and insurance covers 100% (for services that are covered, of course) after that. My share of the bills so far is $200 for the anesthesiologist, $948 for the hospital stay, and $198 for the ER visit, or $1,346 total. If my understanding of the insurance is correct, then I should be charged $654 for the surgeon's bill, and they should take care of the rest. However, the surgeon's bill shows my claim being "in process" and says the total's due on August 10th. Obviously I can't, and won't, pay them $15K while insurance gets settled. I'll have to call them Monday though and find out what's going on.

Being responsible for only about 4% of nearly $50,000 in necessary surgery is a pretty good thing. But I'd find it easier to be grateful if I weren't still worrying about paying that 4% and about whatever other debts will be added on top of that in the near future.

Well, I started the topic yesterday, I might as well follow through with it.

The optometrist determined that my current prescription is still fine for close viewing - using the computer and just general-purpose stuff - but my distance sight has weakened. I could have, and perhaps should have, just stayed with my current glasses. But vision's important, I don't want to mess around with that, and if I put off getting new glasses now, when I do have insurance, it's possible that I'd find myself without that insurance later and not be able to afford new glasses. So I did order new ones. The total for the exam, new lenses, and new frames was $715, of which I'm paying $248.

Meanwhile, the surgery bill that I said I was still awaiting arrived today; it includes the bill for my emergency room visit to check on my acid reflux/irritated stomach problem. That bill's $1,146. Paying that up front is technically possible, since I've got plenty of room on either credit card, limit-wise. Practically speaking, though, it'd drive my finance charges up even more, and as I noted I'm already not getting anywhere with trying to reduce the debt, so it's not a good idea. Now, one thing I can and will do is call the hospital on Monday and see what kind of payment plan they can give me. Another thing is that I do maintain a savings account - again somewhat in vain, as I'm constantly having to pull money back out to cover shortfalls. Still, I do currently have a little over $500 in savings, so I can pull all that out and use it to offset the surgery bill. I hate to do so because that leaves me with nothing to cover emergencies, but then I am in financial straits and I seem to have little choice.

I really need to make an appointment with a financial planner at my bank, and see what they can do to help me straighten things out. I've been getting credit card offers that include deals on transferred balances, either 0% rate for a year or a permanent 4% to 5% rate on the transferred balance. That seems like a very good idea, but I'm reluctant to take an offer without checking with a professional. But besides the question of whether it works to simply consolidate the credit card debt onto another card (and what does that do to my credit rating?), I just need general help and advice on managing my situation.

I've also been toying with the idea of selling my violin (this'll get Andrea to post a comment, no doubt). I've hardly played it since moving to Seattle, and realistically I'm not likely to start playing it more. It's handmade and in good condition, so it ought to be worth something, and I have the idea that my parents paid a few thousand for it when I got it about 25 years ago. But I have no idea what the resale value on violins is, and I don't know that I could get a good value for it without going through someone else. I'd have to find someone to appraise it first, I suppose. If I could sell it for enough to clear the credit card debt, then I should do that. If it's just going to get a few hundred at best, well, that's still money that I could use, but I'd be more inclined to keep holding on to it.

I'm even toying with selling my car. It's in fairly good condition all things considered, so I should be able to get a thousand or two for it. The difference between paying car insurance and buying bus passes should save me a couple hundred, and with current gas prices I must be paying a thousand or so a year for fuel. It'd be pretty inconvenient in a number of ways and I don't want to be carless, but if it comes down to keeping the car or keeping my condo - my home - I'm going to have to go carless. It's worth noting that before I bought my condo, I'd managed to pay 3/4 of the orthodontics treatment; the bulk of my credit debt comes from over $3,000 in necessary car repairs that came up during that time. I suppose if I'd really been smart I would've just gotten rid of the car at the time, and thereby cut my losses.

Things will work out somehow, the questions are how much will I end up sacrificing, and whether I'll ultimately keep the condo or have to give it up.

Oh let's see, it must be time to talk about money again. I haven't talked about that since April. You'd think that being on a restricted diet, bringing a can of soup to work for lunch every day (about $8 a week, instead of the $35-ish I was spending buying sandwiches), and not going out for dinner, that I'd have saved money this month. Naturally, that's not so.

I did get a bill from the anesthesiologist for $200, the remainder not covered by insurance, so that's probably the main factor. I haven't yet seen any other surgery-related bills, but I would imagine that'll come up pretty soon, and I'll have to work out some kind of payment plan with the surgeon.

I've also resumed my vain effort to reduce my credit card debt, sending both cards $100 + the finance charge (currently about $40 each). It's a vain effort because inevitably something comes up that I have to put on one of the cards, and that something is expensive enough to negate my payment if not increase the balance by a hundred or two. This month that'll be the brake and clutch fluid replacement that my car's due for.

This would not seem to be a good time to see the optometrist and get new glasses, but I did indeed make an appointment for that for tomorrow afternoon. I've really been putting it off far too long - in fact, having looked in my old checking register (which, yes, I still have), my last appointment was in September 2000. Importantly, I do have vision insurance through work, and it's a good plan (so far as I can tell, not having compared it to others). My current glasses (lenses and frames) cost me $470 (!!) back in 2000, but then I didn't have any insurance coverage. This time, I'm hoping to pay much much less.

Once again, I whine about money problems, and then come up with something that shows how fortunate I actually am. It is my journal, these are actual real concerns for me, and my finances are more precarious than I want them, but still I now feel slightly embarrassed writing about them. Rightfully, no one wants to read about the troubles of the affluent; while I feel my grasp of that status is tenuous (and certainly my status is low on the American scale of affluence), it is still my status.

---

In other news, John finished writing his latest game, Agon, this week, and I edited it, as well as contributing a tiny bit of writing, an idea or two, and helping with playtests. I'm pretty excited about it, it's a very cool game about ancient Greek heroes competing to win eternal glory. It's debuting at GenCon in a couple weeks and will be available for purchase online starting August 20. Check it out.

I haven't got around yet to telling you that the burglary trial ended mid-week after I testified, and the defendant was found guilty. I still haven't been paid for my witness appearance actually, I hope that arrives soon. (It's not much, but what with being so cash-strapped, it'll be a week's worth of lunches.) I'm also supposed to receive a form that will let me describe the impact of the crime upon me, for the judge to consider during sentencing. It's optional, and I may fill that out, but I'm not sure.

---

Earlier this week I had another appointment at the oral surgeon's office, to find out exactly what's going on with my insurance coverage and when we would schedule the procedure. My medical insurance will cover 90% of the bone graft surgery, which is good, but given the estimates they gave me I will still have to pay $1,600 or so. What's more worrisome, financial-wise, is the work that remains after that: apparently the actual implants and the false teeth come under dental insurance, which pays a maximum of $2,000 yearly, and each of those procedures will cost something like three times that amount. However, the implant work is done three to six months after the graft work, and the final teeth replacement is another three to six months later, so I have some time to find ways to deal with this. In any case, this work is all necessary, as I've explained before, not just a simple vanity choice, so it has to be done. The bone graft surgery is now scheduled for June 7.

---

What with the continual dental work and the pressing financial worries, I've been pretty stressed lately. No doubt that's contributing to my general achiness and not sleeping well - or at least being tired a lot during the daytime regardless of how I felt about my rest - and also may be why I seem to keep getting canker sores every few weeks. Stupid canker sores. Also this afternoon, I started feeling like I was developing a cold, but that feeling lessened after I got home and started eating dinner and drinking cranberry/orange juice. Still, I'll have to make sure to get to bed earlier than usual - hopefully Nimiel won't decide that means we get up earlier than usual, though given how she's been feisty the past few mornings, I don't have much hope.

I ended up overdrawing my checking account for the first time, ever, last month. Four of my checks were cashed the same day, which would've been fine if I'd anticipated that happening and not also bought a few groceries that day. The checks didn't actually bounce, but I did pay a bank fee as a result, and I had to transfer yet more money out of my meager savings account to cover the last couple days of the month.

So, that prompted me to go back to Quicken again, get caught up on adding data to my accounts, and then look over the numbers yet again to see if I'm actually slowly losing money every month, and thus doomed, or if I'm just screwing around and not being careful enough. Annoyingly, the results are inconclusive. It seems that the general trend over the past six months, since buying my condo, has been a slight increase in my funds; certainly the comparison of my total income against total expenses for that time shows a net income. On the other hand, that income does include the insurance money from my car accident, without which I'd definitely be screwed. On yet another hand, I did get a raise in February, so now I'm earning an extra $400 a month (in actual take-home pay) that I wasn't before. But again, if I factor my current monthly salary as my only income and budget expenses based off my averages for the past six months (using fixed amounts instead of averages for the regular bills), it looks like I'm cutting it really close, maybe too close. I have to play with the numbers a bit more, but no matter what, things are going to be tight.

I do have the option of getting a part-time job, either retail (which would be my last resort for a few reasons) or some kind of freelance work (which may be a conflict of interest with my current job). However, I'm still hopeful I can swing another raise at work sooner rather than later - granted, by "sooner" I'm thinking "within six months," not "in a couple weeks." I know it can happen, it's a matter of a few different factors coming together, one important one being more improvement of my own productivity.

Along those lines, I want to make note of two different articles I was pointed to, recently. My sister Andrea (I don't know why I haven't been linking to her site when I mention her) pointed me to "The Courage to Live Consciously", an article by self-help guy Steve Pavlina. It's an interesting article, nothing really new to me, but still a good reminder of the ways in which people (such as me) can be self-defeating and also ways to combat that. And speaking of self-defeating, parkbenchzine posted a link to an article at Cal Poly State U about "Procrastination", which was my major in college (and you all thought it was Literature). This article describes me all too well, and I read it with a big rueful smile on my face. I'd like to think I'm much better about the problems detailed in both these articles than I used to be, and that's probably true, but I know I still struggle mightily with these problems all the time.

Finally, I had been thinking I'd be making a rather mopey post about my finances - well, even mopier than this one may sound - but a surprise today changed my mood for the better. You see, earlier this week Apple Computer announced the open beta testing of Boot Camp, an application that allows you to install Windows XP on the new Intel-based Macs. As a joke, I emailed the partners of the company the Boot Camp description and link, with a subject line "NOW can I get a Mac? :-)" My preference for Macs is well-known, but we really don't do any work that applies to Macs or the Mac OS, so there's no actual reason for us to have Macs in the office.

Today, one of the partners emailed me a thank-you note for taking on the office manager role, and told me to expect a package that would be a "small token of their appreciation" that I "didn't have to share with others". I was expecting a box of cookies. I received a new Intel Core Duo Mac Mini. !!!

I feel I should point out, as a sort of footnote, that yes with money being so tight, arguably a cash bonus would have been better for me. However, the cash would soon be spent one way or another; meanwhile, with my funds being so tight, I'd be faced with a tough choice if my now five-year-old PowerMac G4 were to fail. Now, I have a new Mac that should last me for at least another five years, and I can repurpose my old Mac to be a dedicated file server and media machine, as I've been wanting to do for a couple years now. I'd still like to have a laptop too, but now I won't feel so bad about having to wait another year or two (at least) before that becomes a realistic option.

I mentioned in my post last Sunday that it was the fourth anniversary of my arrival in Seattle, and that I'd have to write more about that "tomorrow". I knew at the time that I shouldn't have said that last part, and sure enough here it is a week later. Oh well.

Last year, to quote that entry, "I marked the occasion with a long walk through parts of Seattle I haven't really been in before, though that hadn't really been my intent." This year I had decided in advance that I wanted to do something similar. As I've already done a fair amount of walking around downtown, I figured I needed a different part of Seattle, but I wasn't sure where. I asked John whether there were any places in Seattle he's always intended to visit but hadn't actually done so in all the years he'd been here. He didn't end up thinking of any, but did say he and Elizabeth would be happy to join me for whatever I thought of.

I ended up deciding we should go for a walk in Seward Park. This is a peninsula jutting into the southern part of Lake Washington, across from the mid-part of Mercer Island. (Click here for the Google Maps page.) I'd driven by the entrance once a few years ago, while out just exploring new parts of Seattle, but had never actually spent time there. It turned out that neither John nor Elizabeth had ever been there either, so it was a nice new experience for all of us. There's a pathway going around the shoreline and several trails through the old-growth forest that covers the peninsula. It was reminiscent of Stanley Park in Vancouver BC, although that park is about ten times larger and, like the Vancouver area in general, more dramatic geographically.

The day was much more restful than last year's four-hour walk downtown, though. We spent at most a couple hours walking in the park. Before going to the park, we had brunch at B&O Espresso, one of my favorite restaurants and certainly my favorite place for brunch, and after the park we went to Kai's Lounge, one of our favorite hangouts, for drinks. It was a thoroughly pleasant afternoon all around.

---

Because I spent the afternoon with company, I didn't spend time thinking about my time here in Seattle so far, or about places I still wanted to go, like I did last year. However, I did include visiting other places in the Northwest as one of my goals for this year. I just hope I can afford to do any travelling this year. I finished last month with a couple hundred dollars extra, which I attributed to getting the raise at the beginning of February. Then a few days ago I got a letter from the condo association pointing out how I hadn't yet paid my dues that I should have on the first and I should send them in immediately. Oops. With the coupon book for the dues in a file holder, I'd completely forgotten about it, and that was why I had extra money - some of which I'd already spent on new jeans (in fairness, I had to buy new jeans no matter what, as my existing pairs had developed holes in the knees) and also on a few new (used) CDs.

So between the late condo dues and also my high electric bill, I've now used up all my paychecks for the month and I've had to pull some money out of my small savings account to cover the rest of the month. Last month, before I got the first paycheck with my raise, I got my Quicken account caught up from the last time I'd updated it in the summer. Now I need to update it for this month, and then use it to work up a budget. From the analysis I've already done so far, it seems that I should be just making ends meet now that I have the raise, so I'm not quite sure why I instead seem to be just overspending my income.

I also started my taxes a couple weeks ago, and realized immediately that I was missing a form - I hadn't received one for the 401(k) fund that I had cashed out last summer. I had asked the office manager at work to update my address with them, but apparently she never did; although when I called them about it, it turns out she probably couldn't have, because they treat the accounts (my old one and my new one with 3sharp) wholly separately even though they're both for me. I got that straightened out and have the form now, so I'll finish my taxes later this week (I was going to tonight but TurboTax is down for maintenance). I do know so far that I'm going to have to pay taxes, contrary to the claims of numerous people about being able to expect a good refund as a first-time home buyer; but I figure that's because I never actually paid taxes on the place last year (the closing date was late enough that the previous owner paid them), so maybe next year I'll get a refund. On the positive side, so far TurboTax says I won't owe very much, so it comes down to whether they withheld enough when I cashed out the 401(k).

I've gotten over the dismay from realizing I'd forgotten my dues and thus would be "broke" this month, so right now I'm inclined to feel that things are going to work out. I do keep veering from hope to dismay, however, and it's getting quite distressing. I'm feeling insecure a lot because of the uncertainty of continuing to make ends meet and the probability of more major expenses (some kind of car or condo trouble, most likely) coming up and getting added to my credit card debt, which I'm dealing with v-e-r-y s--l--o--w--l--y. I was struck by what a trap property can be, and how risky is this bet that paying toward ownership will be better than renting a place. Much as I love my new place, I'm still not sure I made the right decision last summer, and I only hope time proves it to be the right one.